I want to write about cologne because I made every possible mistake with it for two years and didn't know I was making them. Then a woman told me. I'm grateful she did.

We'd gone on three dates. We were back at her place. We were on the couch. She said, very gently, "hey can I tell you something kind of weird."

She told me my cologne was a lot. Not bad. Not gross. Just a lot. Like she could smell me from across the room and it was the only thing she could smell. And it was sweet. So sweet she said it gave her a headache.

I had been wearing Dior Sauvage. Half a bottle a year. Probably six sprays before every date.

The first lesson: less is more

Two sprays. That's the rule. Two sprays. One on each side of your neck or one on your chest and one on your wrist. That's it.

Six sprays of even the best cologne in the world is too much. The point of cologne is for someone who is close to you to catch a hint of it and like it. Not for the entire restaurant to smell you when you walk in.

I had been operating on the assumption that more cologne meant more attractive. The opposite is true. The thing women find attractive is a faint, pleasant smell that they pick up when they're in your space. Anything you can smell on yourself is too much.

The second lesson: the wrong scent for me

Sauvage is a great cologne. It is also one of the most-worn colognes in the world by men in their 20s and 30s. Walking into a bar in Sauvage is like walking in wearing the same outfit as eight other men. It's instantly recognizable. It says "I bought this at Sephora because the guy in the YouTube video told me to."

Also, it's sweet. Really sweet. Vanilla, ambroxan, a candy quality that not everyone wants to be next to.

The right cologne for you is one that smells good on YOUR skin and is not what every other guy is wearing. Both of those things matter. Skin chemistry is real — what smells like heaven on your friend can smell like cleaning product on you.

How I figured out what works on me

I went to a department store on a Saturday. I sprayed five different colognes on five different paper cards. Wrote the name on each one. Carried them around the mall for two hours. Smelled them periodically.

Two of them I liked instantly. One I hated. Two were fine.

Then I picked the two I liked, sprayed them on my actual wrist (one per wrist), and went home. After about four hours, one of them had turned into something I didn't like at all on my skin. The other one still smelled great. That was my answer.

Total cost of figuring this out: zero dollars. I bought a bottle the next weekend.

What I actually wear

I'm not going to recommend specific bottles because I'm not a cologne reviewer and what works on me probably won't work on you. But I'll tell you the categories that work for me, in case it's useful to know what to try.

Daytime / casual: Something fresh and citrus-forward. Bergamot is the magic ingredient. Light, clean, never offensive.

Date night / dinner: Something woody with a hint of warmth. Cedar, sandalwood, a touch of leather. Sophisticated without being old-mannish. The kind of smell that makes someone want to lean in.

Cold weather: Something with a gourmand note but not the sweet candy thing. Coffee, tobacco, a darker richer warmth. Pairs well with sweaters.

Three bottles. One for each context. That's it. I do not own seven bottles. I am not a cologne hobbyist. Three is enough.

When to apply

20 minutes before you leave the house. The first 20 minutes of cologne wear, the alcohol is still evaporating and the scent is harshest. After 20 minutes it has settled into the warm middle that's actually how the cologne is meant to smell.

Apply to clean skin out of the shower. If you want it to last longer, put a tiny bit of unscented lotion on first — fragrance binds to moisturized skin better than dry skin.

Do not spray cologne on your clothes. It stains, it smells different on fabric than skin, and it'll make your clothes smell like cologne even after you've stopped wearing the cologne.

The honest part

Smelling good is one of those things that doesn't get you a date but absolutely makes a difference once you're on one. A woman is going to be physically close to you. If you smell like cigarettes and Old Spice she's going to remember it for the wrong reasons. If you smell faintly of cedar and a clean shirt she's going to remember it for the right ones.

It's not about cologne. It's about being someone who pays attention to small things. Same reason your shoes matter, your nails being trimmed matters, your skin not being dry matters. The signals add up.

If you're putting in the effort to actually meet women — using a real platform like DatingAbove where the dates actually happen — then it's worth doing the small things right. Two sprays of something good, twenty minutes before you leave. That's the whole game.